blogging, dealing with food cravings, emotional eating, finding balance, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, The Daily Prompt, Uncategorized, weight loss and deprivation, weight loss journal, Writing

In that place where I don’t bulge out…

via Daily Prompt: Caper

Oh, but I fall into excuses, even when I promise myself, and my world, that I won’t.  There’s one more hot dog, because it’s the fourth.  There’s the giant crab cake sandwich, because I’m sick and the prednisone makes me so hungry.  There’s frozen yogurt because, well, because it’s Sunday and I’m with my daughter who loves fro-yo, and it has protein in it.

There’s an extra cup of coffee with cream, because I got up so damn early this morning, and I have a headache from the cough syrup.  I can keep going, but I know what I sound like.  My real personal truth is that I like food and I like coffee and I like doing things that I like.  I don’t want to practice self-control because self-control isn’t fun. Self-control is like being mired in dog shit in the middle of an amusement park.

My shunning of self-control would be awesome if it didn’t conflict with other things that I  adore; like cute clothing and my underlying desire to fit neatly in the same box as most other people.  In essence, my secretive shallow nature is in constant disagreement with my lack of constraint.

So, I have “start-fresh-Mondays” where I get out my food journal and log every calorie and nibble until they are all I can think about.  As I shower, 190 runs through my head.  I vacuum with 370 and watch Friends reruns with 860 on my mind.  Is it too many, is it enough? Can I just have a cheese stick?  Always that damn careful balance!  I pray I can go to bed with the gnawing. I can picture angry little flesh-colored “pac-men” eating away my fat as I run my hand flat against my torso.  Are those my ribs sticking out?  I’ll look great in that skirt; no one will know I’m a fat girl on the inside.

I know I’m wrong, and different, but maybe not.  It’s  simply a caper against myself.  We all have secrets, some salacious some mundane. I’m hoping to be somewhere in the middle; in that place where I don’t bulge out.

blogging, dealing with food cravings, Exercise, Feeling frustrated, fitness, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, Medical Weight Loss Program, problem solving, setting goals, weight loss journal, Wellness Center

New Opportunities

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Sometimes you’ve just gotta have red meat! This isn’t the meal I had yesterday, but it was a lovely meal nonetheless. (Photo by me)

This week has started with some new “opportunities.”  You’ll remember in my last post that I’m trying my best to approach any stumbling block in my weight control/management as an opportunity.  My lifelong friend asthma decided to make a sneak visit  three days ago.  I did my best to use albuterol to stave it off, but ended up at urgent care yesterday and am on a five-day burst of my arch-enemy, prednisone.  Old Pred, as I call it, does a lovely job of helping me to breathe, but does a horrible number on my appetite.  In other words, I’m starving!

I’ll admit that yesterday required something that I very rarely eat; a steak–a 6 once filet to be exact.  Once, or twice, a year I get hankering for a medium, grilled and well-seasoned filet.  Usually, when I’m particularly run down. So, for lunch I indulged on 3 ounces of steak along with a plain tossed salad and a few tablespoons of plain baked sweet potato.  I boxed the other 3 ounces, along with a small serving of sweet potato and had it for dinner with some raw cucumbers.  Today, I’ve managed to stay on track with my regular Optifast plan, though it has been tough!

The asthma has also left me unable to exercise for the past three days; yet another opportunity.  I’m not really great at sitting still or at staying indoors (the humidity and pollen count in my area are horrible), but I’ve managed to entertain myself with awesome Netflix and Amazon prime entertainment.  I finished up Ken Burn’s 2014 documentary on the Roosevelt’s; which was quite good.  Then I moved on to my guilty pleasure Ru Paul’s Drag race—I love me some Queens!

My next opportunity will be this Saturday when our neighborhood hosts an awesome block party with tons of food and treats.  We’ve been in our new neighborhood a year and so many new people have moved in.  It truly will be a great opportunity to meet everyone.  My plan is to eat before the event, keep a non-calorie beverage in my hand at all times to sip on, and concentrate on social connections rather than the food.  Did I mention that I’m slated to make cupcakes for this event?  I’m so tempted to get them from the bakery so I don’t have to smell them baking!

Tomorrow, I’m back for a check-up and hopefully, I can hit the gym afterwards since it’s a stone’s throw from my doctor’s office.  I’ll be the one in the waiting room in workout clothes!

How’s everyone doing?  Any “opportunities” in your upcoming week?

 

 

blogging, dealing with food cravings, Exercise, fitness, Food Addiction, Having fun, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, Medical Weight Loss Program, Mindful Eating, problem solving, setting goals, Tips fot weight loss, weight loss journal, Wellness Center, Writing

Anniversaries, Advice, and Ideas

 

Yum!  A tiny treat with 1/3 the calories of a small meal!  (photo from Ghirardelli.com)
Yum! A tiny treat with 1/3 the calories of a small meal! (photo from Ghirardelli.com)

Friday, January 16th, marks my one year Optifast anniversary.  While this is a great occasion to cheer, I have to admit that I’ve found myself slacking and lacking since the weekend.  Perhaps it’s the bitter cold weather and my primal urgings to bulk up against the cold, or perhaps I needed a break in my normally healthy routine.  Whatever the reason, I’ve been kind of naughty this week.  Saturday was my last gym visit, I’ve eaten several meals that certainly aren’t on my plan, and raided my daughter’s “hidden” stash of Christmas chocolates in the freezer.  (Did you know that just one Ghirardelli Milk Chocolate Caramel square has 80 calories?  They look way too small to be that dangerous!)

Today, I’m catching myself before I fall into a sea of subs, burgers, fries, chocolate, and hopeless inactivity, because, unfortunately, it is easy to go there even after so much work to reach my goal weight. I’m determined to check myself before I wreck myself and here’s my plan:

  1. Forgive myself and cross my name off of the naughty list
  2. Get out my measuring cup, measuring spoons and food scale–and use them.
  3. Start packing my lunch, dinner, and snacks when I go out. Relying on finding something healthy at a restaurant isn’t working as well as knowing the exact calorie count and portion size of what I pack.
  4. Find some new ways for my husband and I to have fun when we go out.  (Any suggestions, blogging buddies?) Lately, now that it’s so cold out, our dates have all been in restaurants.
  5. Make an appointment with my trainer. While my weight loss doctor and counselor provide polite, verbal motivation, my trainer, Olivia will give me great advice while kicking my ass into shape.  Truthfully, sometimes I just need my ass kicked.
  6. Reduce the size of my nut sack.   I LOVE nuts and derive a portion of my daily protein intake from them.  However, I know I’ve been overdoing it with my nut grazing lately.  Instead of storing my daily serving in a sandwich bag, I’m switching to the smaller snack-sized baggie.  Even though it’s smaller, the fullness of the baggie makes me feel like I’m having a bigger serving. (Hooray for ample nut sacks!!)
  7. Get the junk out of my house.  I know I’m not good with resisting temptation when it comes to snack foods. My best bet in avoiding them is to not invite them into my house in the first place.

 

Speaking of anniversaries, my very first blog-iversary for The Ravenously Disappearing Woman is coming up on January 25th, and I’m trying to decide the best way to celebrate it.  Any good ideas?  Perhaps I could have a contest?  Maybe I could post some bikini shots?  (totally joking– I haven’t owned a bikini since the 90s!)  Maybe I could do a video post, or perhaps something crazier!  I welcome your good ideas–the more outrageous–the better! 

Now, enough of this fun; I need to go work out! 🙂

blogging, Crafting to lose weight, dealing with food cravings, enjoying family, food and family celebrations, Having fun, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, public relations, setting goals, strength training, the law of attraction, Uncategorized, weight loss journal, Writing

Goodbye, Sweet Sugar and Thoughts on a New Year

The clock is ticking!  What are your New Year's goals? (Photo by me "The Hugo Clock" @ MOMA)
The clock is ticking! What are your New Year’s goals? (Photo by me “The Hugo Clock” @ MOMA

Stevia-laced coffee and a healthy bowl of Fiber One cereal; this is my usual morning.  However for the past three wake-ups, holiday elves (let’s blame it on them) have been treating me to slices of pie or Christmas cookies and a lovely coffee topped with whipped cream.  Those silly “elves” have also been sabotaging my other meals, too, and “forcing” me to eat Christmas dinner leftovers.  Yesterday, I called their bluff and took the leftovers to my daughter’s house.

The good news is, that three days of feasting hasn’t taken much of a toll on my progress or success.  I decided to not give myself any restrictions this holiday.  Restrictions make you feel like you’ve failed when a sugar cookie “accidentally falls into your mouth.  Truth be told, given carte blanche in the kitchen actually helped me this season.  I can’t pack it in like I used to, and didn’t really end up eating the copious amounts of food that I thought I would.  It takes the consumption of 3,500 calories to gain a pound.  Fortunately, a health metabolism burns those calories, and as of this morning, I only weigh 133 lbs.  Holiday victory is still mine!

Today, it’s back to the gym and “so long” to sugar!  Will I indulge on New Year’s Eve?  Of course!

Speaking of New Year’s, I began working on my new list of goals for 2015 last night.  2014 was such an amazing year that I expect 2015 to be even better!  So far, I hope to:

  • Find an awesome job
  • Rid myself of debt
  • Get  physically stronger
  • Create my crafting business

So what about you, dear readers?  Did you thoroughly enjoy your holiday treats?  Have you made any goals for 2015?  Tell me about it! 🙂

blogging, dealing with food cravings, enjoying family, Having fun, Maintaining Weight Loss, optifast, weight loss journal, Writing

Holiday Hijinks, Maintenance Madness, and Other Happy Stuff

Hello all!  I’ve been really bad about posting lately, so I thought I’d play catch up today.  Here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

Celebrating: Friday was my future son-in-law’s last day of college classes.  As soon as grades come out the week after next, he’ll officially have a communications degree in digital film making with a minor in graphic design.  Last night, we celebrated his accomplishments with a delicious spread of his favorites; fresh, raw veggies & dip, homemade guacamole and chips, and grilled, Korean chicken on a stick.  We had a film festival featuring most of the films that he made during his years in school, and then finished off the evening with an amazing chocolate mocha cake from a nearby bakery.  Don’t worry, I had far more grilled chicken and veggies than I did cake, but I did enjoy a nice slice.  The best announcement at our party is that he has a job interview this Tuesday for an editing position! (Keep your fingers crossed for him!)

He looks so sleepy and innocent, doesn't he?
He looks so sleepy and innocent, doesn’t he?

Holiday Décor vs. Kitties: I love the holidays!  We put our tree up the Sunday after Thanksgiving and the cats have been super-duper delighted about it.  So delighted that we’ve had to resort to shaking a can of coins at them to keep them from eating the branches.  They watch me pick up the can, and know I’m about to terrify them, yet they still can’t help taking a nibble or knocking off an ornament. 

Remember, the burlap garland I was making for my tree?  My other kitty decided that it was delicious.  So delicious that it now resides atop my oldest daughter’s fireplace mantle!  Those crazy kitties!

 

Maintenance:  My weight maintenance is still going well.  I’m hovering between 132-135 pounds and am continuing to work on my core strength and muscle-building.  With this being my first holiday season on maintenance, I’m trying to find a balance between enjoying the treats of the season and making smart choices. On thing I won’t be doing this year is making Christmas cookies.  I know that sounds Scrooge-like, but it’s in my best interest to not have dozens of delicious goodies in my house!  If I just look at it as 3-4 days (Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day) of eating away from my plan, it doesn’t seem quite as daunting.  If I’m working out and eating right, the rest of the month, I’m sure I’ll be fine.

Goodbye Peri-menopause : This Wednesday, I’m finally having surgery to help with some peri-menopausal issues that I’ve had for nearly a year now.  It’s outpatient surgery and requires two days of rest and two-weeks of light exercise and no swimming afterwards. If my problem is solved, this will be the best Christmas present ever! 🙂  Please keep me in your thoughts on Wednesday! 🙂

That’s about all that’s been going on in my neck of the woods.  Hope all my readers are doing well! 🙂

dealing with food cravings, emotional eating, Exercise, Guilty pleasures, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, weight loss journal, Writing

Monthly Weigh-In and Other Monthly Things

This is what my hunger feels like, but I DON'T have to listen to this nasty green guy!
This is what my hunger feels like, but I DON’T have to listen to this nasty green guy!

I had my monthly weigh-in with the bariatric doctor yesterday.  This month I’ve lost a total of 5.5 pounds.  I’m getting very close to my original goal; so close that I’m actually only one pound away!  However, I’d like to lose a total of six pounds to be at 140.  These last pounds are dissolving pretty slowly, but the good news is that I have all the time in the world to get rid of them.

In other news, I’m really struggling with hunger this week.  It’s right before my period (sorry for the TMI, guys)  and I feel like I want to devour everything in sight. I had to grocery shop today, and I almost began crying in the car on the way home, knowing that I had to make dinner for my family.  Sometimes I feel like an alcoholic sentenced to a life of bartending when it comes to being around and preparing food.  Luckily, my oldest daughter pitched in and helped me by doing the side dishes while I grilled chicken.  On days like today, I feel like the only way I can control my desire for copious amounts of food is to have only the blandest items in my house, and to only cook for myself–not the most realistic of solutions.

Though I’m fantastically happy with my healthier body and lifestyle, yesterday was just one of those days that I wanted to sit on the sofa with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a bag of chips while watching trash television.  Today, I’m proud that I didn’t give in to yesterday’s desires.  I worked out at for 90 minutes and made healthy food choices.  I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to give in to my cravings and desires, but I also don’t have to stifle them. Feelings are there for a reason and slathering them with poor food choices and a sedentary lifestyle won’t make them go away.  I’m equally proud of myself for asking for help yesterday, and proud of my daughter and son-in-law for happily giving it to me.  At 50, I think it’s time that I learn to ask for help when I need it, rather than always attempting to be general manager of the universe!  The one craving that I did succumb to yesterday was the trash TV.  However, I drank plain mint tea as I watched the inane antics of the girls on MTV’s Teen Mom 2. At least my love of television garbage is a calorie-free vice!

How do you deal with cravings?  Do you feel accomplished at asking for what you need?  Tell me about it. 🙂

blogging, Crafting to lose weight, dealing with food cravings, Having fun, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, needle felting, weight loss journal, Writing

Crafting and Weight Loss Update

I promised a while back that I would post some pics of the resin crafts that I’ve been doing.  I’ve also been doing a bit of needle felting.  I’ve been having a heck of a time this morning with posting, so I hope this will work, since it’s my fourth try! I’m going to place all of my text together and then post the pictures.

The first few frames contain broken glass that’s either found, leftover from other projects, or purposely smashed bottles or jars that I decided to reuse instead of recycle.

The next frames contain glass stones that would normally be used in vases or with candle displays.  Both of these types look really pretty either hung or propped in windows with the light shining through them.

My last picture is just a little snippet of the needle felting that I’ve been doing.  My moray eel still needs teeth and some embellishments.

The best thing about crafting is that it keeps my hands out of the fridge and pantry and my mind thinking of things other than my next meal or snack!  Luckily, it seems to be working because I’ve finally lost a little more weight; three more stubborn pounds!!  Seven more pounds to go in order to have a BMI in the “normal” range.

I hope everyone have a magnificent weekend, and I hope you like my crafting.  I’m going to hit “publish” whether, or not, the pictures post in the proper order that I’ve placed them in, because I’m really tired of this posting tool not working for me this morning! 🙂

00broken glass 6 window00broken glass 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

00brokenglass 1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

00round glass 6 windo00round glass 4

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

00round glass1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

00needle felted starfish eel and fish Well, there you have it!  What have all of you been up to lately?  Happy Weekend!!