blogging, Crafting to lose weight, enjoying family, finding balance, Finding old friends, fitness, following your dreams, Friendship, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, Medical Weight Loss Program, Mindful Eating, optifast, setting goals, weight loss journal, Wellness Center, Writing

Starting at Square Two

 

Being a stay-at-home Nana has been a joy 99.999% of the time.  I wasn’t able to stay home with my daughters when they were little, so it’s been amazing watching Baby C unfold from a tiny preemie to a big boy.  However, as triumphant as watching each milestone was, there was part of me that had to hugely adjust to being home with a baby all day.  After all, my daughter’s schedule as a resident physician can only be described as grueling.  Her 16 hour a day shifts, coupled with my son-in-law’s odd work hours, often left me watching him for much longer than a traditional work day. Things happened that I didn’t imagine.  Any sort of routine or self-care schedule that I’d established basically became non-existent. I became a greasy haired, yoga pants wearing woman, in an oversized spit up covered tee-shirt.  My food plan of five small high protein meals per day dissolved to grabbing whatever seemed semi-edible from my fridge or pantry  Exercise, beyond walking and bouncing a wailing baby, went out the window, as did, reading, blogging, hanging out with friends, crafting and most things that I’d used as a substitute for overeating.  I began speaking fluent Sesame Street  (not a bad thing) and forgot how to have an interesting conversation. Though my snuggle and love ratio increased, my weight management plan rolled out the door like a trashcan full of dirty diapers and I gained weight; 35 pounds to be exact.

I’d committed to watching Baby C his first year of life, however finding just the right daycare didn’t happen until he turned 18 months old.  As soon as he began his first week there, I scanned my closet for something non-grubby to wear and went directly to my weight management physician and to the weight management trainers at the wellness center. Last week, I entered a comprehensive weight maintenance program and yesterday my weigh-in revealed a 4.5 pound weight loss! I’m proud of making progress and even prouder that I’m catching myself before my weight spirals too out of control.  Having to lose 30.5 pounds sure seems more doable than my previous goal of nearly 100 pounds.  Fortunately, instead of starting at square one, I’ve glided on to square two!

Life is a constant recalibration to find the perfect balance. I’m still spending plenty of time with my awesome grandson, but it’s more quality than quantity.  I’m back to making glass art that’s more intricate than before. I’m back to having time to nurture my relationship with my husband and friends.  I’m also back to posting on WordPress and, oh-so-hopefully reconnecting with the wonderful friends I’ve made on here over the years!

So, friends, how have you been? 🙂 

 

 

blogging, Uncategorized, weight loss journal

From Clean to Cluttered in 70 Pounds (And Back to Clean Again!)

What!?  You think I should help clean up my extra fur?  Perhaps you're forgetting who's in chargein this family!
What!? You think I should help clean up my extra fur? Perhaps you’re forgetting who’s in charge in this family!

A year ago, our house was probably one of the cleanest in our neighborhood.  I had a daily routine that caused it to be picked up, scrubbed, swept, scoured, and dusted to perfection by 10:00 am, without fail.  This left me with the rest of the day to do as I pleased. Unfortunately, the thing that I pleased the most was sitting on my butt, eating, watching television, and playing on the internet.  My house was pristine, but I was a total mess.

Last night, during our evening walk, my husband and I happily met some new neighbors.  Like us, they were pleased to meet another couple in their same age range and we soon fell into very pleasant conversation that led to a tour of their newly renovated home, and gorgeously landscaped yard.  After we said our good-byes and finished our walk, I began to feel sort of mortified at the prospect of giving a reciprocal tour of our home and yard.  In the past seven months I’ve changed pretty drastically.  I no longer sit around eating, watching TV, and playing computer games for hours, and my daily scrubbing, sweeping, scouring routine has dwindled to, maybe, once a week. It’s not like our home looks like a pig sty, but it definitely looks more lived in and cluttered, especially with the new crafting hobbies that I’ve picked up.

A shift in my priorities and activities during my weight loss caused me to place a lot of focus on my own health and appearance. My cleaning, and siting on my rump routine, was replaced with daily workouts, spending time with friends, swimming, crafting, and generally, being on the go.  While keeping busy is a good way to keep away from the temptation of my fridge and pantry, I need to find a way to be more balanced in my activities.

So today, I decided to take a break from myself and give my home some much-needed attention.  I did lots of picking up and putting away, and an abundance of sweeping, scouring, dusting, and scrubbing.  My house is sparkling from top to bottom, and I even have dinner planned and started.  I can’t promise that my home will stay like this for much more than a few days, but for right now, I’m going to enjoy it and not worry if the neighbors come calling.

Do you have a cleaning routine?  How do you balance your time?  Any suggestions would be great! 🙂

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend!! 🙂

blogging, Crafting to lose weight, dealing with food cravings, emotional eating, Food Addiction, losing weight, Maintaining Weight Loss, optifast, problem solving, setting goals, weight loss journal, Writing

I’ve got the Transition Blues!

Do you have a food monster in your brain?
Do you have a food monster in your brain?

You would think that I’d be thrilled to finally be eating, but I’m actually not finding it as exciting as I’d imagined.  Transition has brought back an old nemesis that I thought I’d left behind; HUNGER.I hadn’t actually felt hungry since my second week on Optifast.  Now, because my digestive system has been kicked back into action, I find myself watching the clock, waiting for my next shake, or my one meal of 4 oz. of protein and a cup of veggies.

My recent hunger  has conjured another familiar fear; food obsession.  Before my classes at the bariatric center and my time on Optifast, my waking hours were spent thinking about what I would be eating next. I’d mentally prepare meals before I ever set foot in the kitchen, and a trip to the grocery store was equivalent to a day in Disneyland. Being on Optifast briefly halted that.

Yesterday, as I drove home from the gym, I found myself mentally preparing and eating dinner.  Granted, I was mentally preparing an egg white omelet with spinach, red onion, green peppers and mushrooms–not a bad meal.  But, what frightened me was the way I was thinking about food. These were thoughts that went beyond the  normal, “Hey I’m gonna make an omelet for dinner.   It was sensory; I was seeing it, smelling it and tasting it with my massive imagination.

I turned on the radio and broke my gustatory reverie with thoughts of swimming, power walking, and recumbent elliptical conquering, but I couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that over-imagining my dinner was a problem; a diet sin that was just as bad as sneaking a piece of chocolate cake.

I’ve made so much progress, and I haven’t physically cheated on my meal plan,ever, so why do I feel guilty for thinking about my next meal, beyond regular planning? Why is their so much confusion for me where food is concerned?  Why can’t I be passé about food like “normally weighted” people seem to be?  I’ve heard my size 8 friends casually say, “Oh, gosh, no wonder I’m hungry, I forgot to eat lunch.”  I don’t propose to skip a meal, because I know that’s not good, but how does one not care enough about food to forget to eat?

Perhaps I’m worrying too much about this.  I know the proper thing to do is to make a written plan for my meals one week in advance and to enjoy them as I mindfully eat.  I also know that I have other experiences that I can replace my food thoughts with.  I can mentally plan vacations or shopping trips,  revisit fun with a friend, think about my cats, my blog, or my latest needle-felting project.  I guess I’m just wondering when it gets easy, natural, and casual?  When will I make the transition from “OMG FOOD, NOM, NOM, NOM!!!!” to ” Hmm, I think I’ll make an omelet for dinner tonight” ?

I know I’m strong and I can work through these worries.  I’ve just been sailing through this whole thing so successfully, that the return of my old way of thinking has surprised me.  I know it will get easier and that I’ll find a balance. 🙂

Do you struggle with food obsession/shame or have you conquered it? Please share your secrets in the comments. 🙂